Hindsight
“We all know the power of story. The greatest storyteller who ever lived was Jesus, and he revealed many of the principles of the kingdom of God simply by telling powerful stories. I am so happy that my friend, Rhonda Madge, is sharing a powerful story with us in her new book, Hindsight. But I should quickly say this is not just any story; this is Rhonda’s story. Rhonda’s story is real, relevant, and filled with redemption. As you read her story, you’re going to experience a wide range of emotions. At times you will find yourself laughing, and on the very next page you may be holding back tears. I have known Rhonda for many years, and I have had a front row opportunity to watch her give birth to this book. She has been courageous in pursuing this project. She has been courageous in sharing some of the most painful parts of her life in order to give help and hope to others. I am confident that you are going to find a deep reservoir of hope and inspiration as you read. It is a story – a true story – but, more than that, it is also a journey from deception to light and life. Rhonda, thank you so much for allowing every reader to travel with you, and I pray that those readers will find what you have found.”
RICK WHITE
PASTOR, RICK WHITE MINISTRIES, INC.
“How can I trust You after what You allowed to happen? This was Rhonda’s question to God year after year UNTIL... If you are struggling to really trust and believe God is who He says He is, this revealing and honest story will bring you one step closer to that trust. Your journey may look different, but the destination remains the same: face to face with the age-old question, ‘Who do you say I am?’”
STEVE BERGER
SENIOR PASTOR, GRACE CHAPEL
“Hindsight is a page turner of memories, shared to help us find our way into and out of our own stories. For within our chapters are misconceptions and lies that continue to influence us today. Also, within them is the potential for life liberating truth. Think about it, childhood is the foundation of who we are, so if it was wobbly, so goes our lives. Rhonda has risked much to tell her story that she might continue to heal and leave a path for others to do the same.”
PATSY CLAIRMONT
AUTHOR; “YOU ARE MORE THAN YOU KNOW”
“In the age of DIY, many couples will seek out old homes in order to create a gem out of something that has been forgotten, something left on the brink of ruin. We watch, in wonder of the beauty that is to be uncovered, until at last strong bones and an original design are revealed. The book you hold in your hand is a story of the renovation of the heart. It tells of a woman from Bumpus Mills, Tennessee; and of the designer who pursued her in the midst of tragedy; and, lastly, it tells of a pursuit of success wherein the beauty and design for which she was intended is unveiled.”
REBEKAH BYRD
ADJUNCT PROFESSOR AT MOODY BIBLE INSTITUTE; AUTHOR
HINDSIGHT
HINDSIGHT
Seeing Clearly through the Veil of Deception
Rhonda Madge
© 2019 Rhonda Madge
Hindsight
Seeing Clearly through the Veil of Deception
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Elm Hill, an imprint of Thomas Nelson. Elm Hill and Thomas Nelson are registered trademarks of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc.
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Publisher’s Note: This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any similarity to people living or dead is purely coincidental.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New American Standard Bible®. Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Pre-Launch ISBN 978-1-400307081
Library of Congress Control Number: 2018961778
ISBN 978-1-400307098 (Paperback)
ISBN 978-1-400307425 (Hardbound)
ISBN 978-1-400307548 (eBook)
Information about External Hyperlinks in this ebook
Please note that footnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.
To Troy, Taylor, Austin, Rachel, and Luke
Your laughter rings in my ears as I recount the many paths we have traveled together.
I know tears muffled the joy on occasion, but through it all, you have taught me that God’s word is everlasting and true.
Love never fails.
CONTENTS
Acknowledgements
Preface
1 “And He called a child to Himself…” Matthew 18:2
2 “…Do not be afraid, or panic, or tremble before them.” Deuteronomy 20:3
3 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” John 10:10
4 “I am weary with my sighing; Every night I make my bed swim. I dissolve my couch with tears.” Psalm 6:6
5 “Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.” Matthew 5:21
6 “…And the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31
7 “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord… Malachi 2:16
8 “…For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go…” Joshua 1:9
9 “Consider and answer me, O Lord my God…” Psalm 13:3
10 “…For the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.” James 1:6
11 “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.” Psalm 118:8
12 “…I was brought low, and He saved me.” Psalm 116:6
13 “You will make known to me the path of life…” Psalm 16:11
14 “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3
15 “I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord…” Jeremiah 29:11
16 “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” John 10:27
17 “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God.” Romans 8:38–39
18 “And you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” John 8:32
19 “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone…” Mark 11:25
20 “Cease Thriving and Know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
21 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
22 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5
23 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” John 14:18
24 “But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13
25 “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above…” James 1:17
Epilogue
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I’m finding it very difficult to find the appropriate words to properly thank the many people who have been instrumental in this ten year journey. Yes—you read that right. Since
the first day that God asked me to write a book, I have kicked and screamed, “I can’t write!” But in the midst of His chuckles, He simply sent someone else to help me swim in unchartered waters.
Natalie Dendy, what would I have done without you? My ten year journey would have easily been twenty had you not agreed to help me. Your ability to form a timeline and teach me how to write dialogue was nothing short of brilliant. Your insight and direction were inspired by the Spirit. I knew from the first time we met that God had indeed chosen you.
An invitation titled, “On the Porch with Patsy,” very well changed the way I saw myself. I knew very little about Patsy Clairmont at the time. Yes, I knew she was an author of many books and extremely funny, but little did I know the Lord would use her in my life in such a dramatic way. One day in her home, she knelt before me and said, “You are more than you know.” On the days I wanted to give up, her words rang in my ears. She has ministered and taught thousands of women over the years. None can be more grateful than me.
Patsy was also kind enough to direct me to someone who had worked with her in the past, Anna Floit. I was assured that Anna would edit, while maintaining my voice, and she did just that. Another gift sent from Above.
There are so many friends that I could list. We women need cheerleaders by our side especially when we need a good push. Amy, Rochelle, Sarah, Becky, Tera, and Patti are the one’s who gave me what I needed, when I needed it most—even if that meant a swift kick in the you-know-what. You have read the worst of pages and still encouraged, cried with me until there were no more tears, and told me not to give up. Girls, my heart swells thinking about each of you.
Then there’s my sweet, and I might add, very intelligent son, Austin. You have never once complained about helping me edit and re-edit page after page. I’m so thankful that you graduated as an English major! The Lord knew how I needed you to put comma’s in the right place before the beginning of time! You have loved your mama well through this journey. Thank you my Little Bud from the bottom of my heart.
I could never have accomplished this without my dear Mother. First of all, I would not have had any humor to contribute without her. You are a guiding light of love and encouragement to our family (plus you make the best fried chicken I ever ate). Hearing your voice everyday is music to my ears. I love you more Mama.
Oh my man, how do I thank you? All I have ever heard from you is, “You can do it!” Our life together has given me much to write about. We are living proof that God can use anyone to accomplish His purposes. It started with you sweetheart. I’m so thankful that you hungered for more of Him and loved me all the more.
My Heavenly Father, may this book speak to the one who needs to hear about your grace and mercy. I love you Oh Lord my strength...
PREFACE
Most of my life I’d appeared to have everything together. A great career, beautiful clothes, travels abroad, and a man by my side. However, appearances are deceiving. On the inside, I was a festering sore. Difficult experiences left me filled with anger and bitterness, forcing me to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. It began at the age of seventeen, when a horrific tragedy changed the course of my life.
Forty years later now, in hindsight, I realized most of my life has been guided by the fear of exposure and ever-present fear of death. In reality, I had fallen prey to my thoughts and worries, all of which molded my mind into believing such lies.
The stories in this book happened to me. My hope is that, as you read about my life, you will reflect upon your own. The old saying “hindsight is twenty-twenty” certainly is true. A rearview mirror allows us to see with clarity if we don’t fall into the trap of guilt and shame. I had to learn that lesson well.
The question is, can you learn from your mistakes and not continue to wallow in the same ones? I finally found joy when I learned to like myself just the way I was designed. Besides, pretending wore me out.
Are you tired? Do you feel you need to wear a disguise to masquerade the truth? Do anxious thoughts consume you all the time, making you feel less than adequate?
If that’s you, I invite you to journey down the road that led me from a dark world into the light, as God removed the veil of deception from my eyes.
ONE
“And He called a child to Himself…”
Matthew 18:2
“Rhonda, bring me Daddy’s jeans from that chair in the corner,” Mama called from the kitchen.
“Yes, ma’am.” I quickly retrieved his pants and took them to her. There was Mama, all of five feet and four inches, her dyed red hair already pinned up in curls for the night, meticulously ironing Daddy’s work clothes. She was so pretty, with a smile that lit up every room she walked into.
“Tomorrow is Friday, Rhonda. Daddy will take you to Mama Dora’s in the morning.”
“Ok, Mama.”
“What else is important to remember before I send you off to bed?” she asked.
Without even a moment’s hesitation I called out, “Blessed be a peacemaker!” In my five short years, I had heard those words more times than I could count.
Mama smiled and opened her arms wide for a good-night hug, followed up by her familiar tickles. I felt so loved by her.
“Now, go give Daddy a good-night kiss and get to bed,” Mama said as she gave me one last squeeze.
Daddy could probably hear my small footsteps making their way into the family room. He sat in his comfy favorite chair, resting after his long day. His dark hair was swept to one side, revealing his warm brown eyes beneath. Strong hands, weathered from working outdoors, reached down to pick me up. I could faintly smell the Old Spice cologne on his shirt.
“G’night, baby,” he whispered.
I threw my little arms around his neck and lingered, not wanting to let go. There was security within these arms. He planted a big kiss on my cheek, patted my bottom, and placed me back on the green-and-white linoleum floor. I happily skipped away to my bedroom and jumped into bed.
**********
It was the spring of 1964 in Bumpus Mills, Tennessee. Bumpus Mills was a quaint, traditional Southern town in which all six hundred people who lived there knew the business of the other 599. I was my parents’ only child, and our small, two-bedroom white-frame home was sufficient. Next door to us was the home of my daddy’s parents, Mama Dora and Papa Chill. Our homes were nestled on an old country road surrounded by farms, quietly grazing farm animals, and a long stretch of tobacco fields.
Early every morning, Daddy would drop me off on Mama Dora’s doorstep on his way to work. Daddy rose early and worked late. He began each day feeding our horses and pigs, then headed to his day job as a truck driver with the highway department. After a full day of driving, he would come home to more work on his tobacco farm. This was his year-round routine.
Mama had worked in a factory since the day she turned fifteen. Her feet hit the floor at five o’clock every morning in order to get us fed, dressed, and out the door. Most days she didn’t arrive home until almost dusk. My parents continued this schedule day after day to provide for our needs. Others might say we were poor, but I felt rich from the love we shared.
**********
I was greeted each morning of the week with a hug from Mama Dora and Papa Chill, along with the aroma of fresh-baked biscuits; a fond routine for sure. Those little biscuits tasted like warm comfort. Mama Dora would wipe the crumbs off my face and pull forward my long, golden curls so they sat ever so perfectly on my shoulders. Being five years old had its advantages, including being treated to an iced RC cola that she kept stocked in her fridge for those hot days late in the afternoon.
She was always in the kitchen, bustling around in her little dress, her stockings held up over her knees with a rubber band so no one could see. I knew, but I was told not to tell because it was a secret. Mama Dora was a petite woman with gray, short curls that covered her head like small, silver spirals. You always knew when she had just returned from the beauty parlor, because you could smell the pe
rmanent wave solution when you hugged her. I never minded.
Just as soon as one meal was over, she would start on the next. Of course, it seemed there was always a casserole to bake for church. Papa Chill, on the other hand, loved to be outdoors. Most days he had on overalls, except for Sundays, of course. You couldn’t wear overalls to church. He carried a pocket watch that was securely attached to the side pocket. And if you ever needed a handkerchief, he had one ready. His thinning gray hair was combed way over to the side. This way, it looked like he had more hair than he did, or so he liked to think.
My grandparents were at church whenever the doors opened. Mama and Daddy were really good people, but they never went to church. They always told me that I needed to go, but they took Sunday to prepare for the weekly schedule, which would start all over again the following morning.
Mama would get me up on Sundays, dress me in my little frilly dress, and put on my shiny, black patent-leather shoes. However, one particular Sunday, as she was doing my hair, she found a tick on my head. Oh my, that little thing sure caused a mighty itch. It wasn’t a big deal, though, because it happened a lot on the farm. However, this day would be different.
Mama Dora and Papa Chill pulled up into our driveway and I jumped in to the backseat. After arriving, we walked into church and Mama Dora said, “Rhonda, go on now to your Sunday school class.”
A picture of Jesus awaited me on a low table, along with a selection of crayons to add my expertise. We got to hear a Bible story and sing songs, too. We five-year-olds made beautiful music. However, we all got quiet when our teacher told us to raise our hands if anyone would like to accept Jesus into their hearts. At that very moment I happened to reach up and scratch my head for the umpteenth time. Suddenly I felt my Sunday school teacher grab my arm and race me down to the altar so that I could be saved. I was not even sure what I was being saved from. Maybe they found out I had taken a piece of gum from Mr. Jim’s store. I began crying and hollering because by now I was scared to death. However, the church congregation began rejoicing because they thought I was filled with the Spirit. I wasn’t.